Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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