She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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