Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
