i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
