We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
