took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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