did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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