And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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