That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just googled if crying burns calories
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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