I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I made him laugh his dick is mine
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
