i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Your dad touched me again.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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