how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
