Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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