You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
