I'm so fucking centered right now
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
