the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
