i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
