There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
they're like a gay fantastic four
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
