and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
