Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
