he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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