it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
