I wish I could teleport
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
