shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
