those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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