I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Just high enough for therapy.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
