Nicole vs. Life
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
