I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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