I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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