you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
