Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
