I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
