who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
