Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
