My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
so let's talk penis.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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