the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
