i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
