I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
