Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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