This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
