Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
