you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize