Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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