How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
