the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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