so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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