his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
