I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
