you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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