I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize